


Edge of Oblivion

by devilinthedetails



Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Family, Forgiveness, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, Loss, Mourning, Peace, Regret, Secrets, discussion of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 11:32:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18520627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilinthedetails/pseuds/devilinthedetails
Summary: Jon shows Thayet a place of sorrow, secrets, and lies.





	Edge of Oblivion

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Secrets and Lies Week Challenge for the Free for All Event at Goldenlake. 
> 
> Please read with discretion as this story contains discussion of suicide.

Edge of Oblivion 

“My father and I used to go riding here.” Jon had taken Thayet on a morning ride to the gorge where his father had leapt into forever and come crashing down to the hard, jagged rocks so far below. Jon often came here alone–to mourn or to reflect, Thayet couldn’t be sure; she only knew that somehow he found solace in this place of loss–but this was the first time he had invited her with him. She had felt that she couldn’t refuse even if her stomach knotted at the very idea of visiting the place where Jon’s father had ended his life. “He went riding here on a hunt for the last time on a beautiful April morning like this.” 

“We don’t have to speak of that if you don’t want to,” Thayet murmured, though she sensed that it was she more than he who had an aversion to speaking of such sorrows. Jon was the one who wanted to brood over them especially on beautiful mornings when others would have focused on what was right in the world. 

“I have to speak of it.” Jon strode past her outstretched, comforting hand to the edge of the gorge. Unlike Thayet, he had the urge to stand on the edge of oblivion as if to assure himself that he wouldn’t jump–wouldn’t plunge into eternity as his father had. “I have to speak the truth to you instead of the lie I told the court. I can’t keep his suicide a secret from you as I did from the country.” 

“If you want to speak of it, I will listen.” Thayet joined her husband though her legs were numb, and this time when she reached out to him, he took her hand in his own. 

“We found him–broken and battered almost beyond recognition–beside his mangled mount.” Jon stared down at the rocky bottom of the gorge, gaze distant as if he had fallen into another, more terrible time. Thayet couldn’t imagine what it have been like for him to find his father’s body after he had fallen from such a great height. Her mother had made certain that she was far away from the Sarain court–safely ensconced in a convent–before she leapt from the tallest tower in Sarain, and Thayet still had nightmares of her bloody, broken body. “As soon as I saw his body, I knew he had done this to himself and that I had to lie–I had to keep his suicide a secret–or the realm would be in even worse despair.” 

“That must have taken tremendous strength.” Thayet cupped his cheek, thinking that his face was the strongest she’d ever seen. It had been the strength of Jon’s face–the lines that testified to having endured sorrow and not given into grief–and the complimentary, not contrasting softness of waiting kindness in his greeting to her that had drawn her to him. She hadn’t even noticed the blue eyes that dazzled so much of his court. When she had noticed them, it was the sparkling wry humor in them that had attracted her far more than the brilliant hue. 

“I had to be strong for the realm even if he couldn’t.” Jon closed his eyes as if drinking in the chorus of birds singing from the budding trees around them. “The birds were chirping just like this when we found him. His face should have been at peace as it always was when he listened to birds singing but it was tortured–as if he had realized the horror of what he was doing too late to stop. He wanted to find peace in death, but he found only regret. I should be able to forgive him for that, but I don’t know if I ever will.” 

“You will some day but not today.” Thayet felt a shiver in her spine even though the breeze flowing through her hair and riding gown was mild and warm with golden sunlight. “When you’re reunited in the Peaceful Realms, there will be time enough for forgiveness.”

“I will some day, but not today,” Jon echoed her words, opening his eyes to fix them deeply upon her. “Today I will spend with you, my love.”


End file.
